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Erika (cannot) explain it all, part 1: Blackberrys, boys and other bullshit

September 24, 2011

Much like my current knowledge, Leo’s pre-Titanic insight appeared to be the size of a canoe.

As much as it might appear that I think I know everything, I am not oblivious to my ignorance . Here are some of the things I’m having trouble comprehending as of late.

  • Why do people deactivate their Facebook every other week? You’re not doing anything productive with all of that free time. I am neither fooled nor impressed with your short spurts of so-called self restraint.
  • Speaking of Facebook, why does it currently look like Myspace?
  • Should I delete mine? Just kidding. I didn’t even delete my Myspace from college. I will not be erased, Internet!
  • Why won’t my trackball work? Why don’t they sell trackballs at Verizon? Why am I took lazy to order 3 of them for 99 cents off of amazon?
  • Why do I still have a Blackberry in the first place?
  • Why won’t Google tell me the definitive release date for the iPhone5? Will it ever come?
  • If so, will I be too lazy to pre-order it? Will you pre-order it for me?
  • Why does a guy think it’s necessary to repeatedly tell you how much he likes you when you’re not even dating?
  • Why does a guy stop telling you he likes you the second you start dating?
  • Why does a guy stop liking you when you start dating?
  • Big Ten Network, why aren’t you playing the Iowa game right now? Michigan on all channels– really? I don’t want to watch the Wolverines until they play against the Hawkeyes on November 5.
  • Are you subscribed to my Youtube account? Yes? Thanks! No?! Subscribe.
  • What about Twitter?
  • Why did five out of the 10 pounds that I lost come straight from my boobs? I want those five back, please and thanks.
  • Why is it the people who talk the most about drinking actually drink the least? Take down those pictures of you so nonchalantly holding the Absolute and quit misleading me.
  • Why are you drinking Absolute in the first place? Here, let me be of some help.
  • Bladeless fans… how do they work?

What can I say– I’m an inquisitive individual, always on the lookout for answers to the most hard-hitting questions. If you have any wisdom to spare on these pressing matters, please share it below!

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Top 5: Backstreet Boys music videos

July 14, 2011

Before you even start thinking it, let me just tell you that you’re wrong– this post is not 10 years too late.

They are still recording music. They are still selling out concerts all over the world. They are still fairly attractive. And god dammit, they are one of the biggest music acts of all time. ALL TIME.

And more importantly, a very pivotal part of my childhood that I will never am not ready to give up.

See? Still hot!

Out of all the boy groups, BSB hands down had the best music videos. And it wasn’t just because of Fatima Robinson’s choreography or Joseph Kahn’s directing skills. It was because of these five performing gods (slight exaggeration noted) and their love for what they do. So whether you’re taking a trip down memory lane or simply enjoying these masterpieces for the first time, here are the top five Backstreet Boy music videos according to yours truly.

1. “As Long As You Love Me” (Backstreet’s Back, 1997)

This was the first BSB music video I ever saw, and for that reason alone it has a special place in my heart. They’re young, hot, having fun and not taking themselves too seriously– the staples for a great boy-band video. And call me a romantic (actually don’t, because I’m not), but Brian meeting his future wife on set seals this in at number one in my book.

2. “Backstreet’s Back” (Backstreet’s Back, 1997)

Despite Jive Records refusing to back “Backstreet’s Back” (say it one more time with me: “back!”)  video because they disagreed with the group’s very own haunted house concept, the boys funded it themselves. Smart move, considering it went on to be one of the most played videos on TRL, rank #76 on MuchMusic’s 100 Best Videos and win Best Group Video at the 1998 MTV Video Music Awards. With elaborate costumes, ridiculous morphing and the apparently possessed cab driver– what’s not to love about this entertaining “Thriller”-throwback??

3. “Show Me the Meanings of Being Lonely” (Millennium, 1999)

One word: Tears. Not even normal tears, we’re talking jears. They knew damn well what they were doing reinforcing our awareness of Brian’s possibly fatal heart problems.

Also, let it be known that I made my friend Julie rush home from our first big New Year’s Eve party, so that we could be sitting in front of the TV for the world premiere of this video, which happened to air at midnight. Not being a fan herself, it’s safe to say she never forgave me.

4. “We’ve Got It Goin’ On” (Backstreet Boys, 1996)

I don’t think there’s anything that can be said about this video. You just need to watch it. I mean, those introductions… I just can’t.

5.”All I Have to Give” (Backstreet’s Back, 1998)

I doubt many people would put this admittedly run of the mill video on any top lists, but something about it struck me. And evidently three of my best friends in middle school as well, because– and I tell you this in confidence– this was the music video we reenacted in our audition tape for MTV’s FANatic. Remember that amazing, too-soon-canceled show where insane people sent in proof of their outlandish celebrity obsessions to land a chance at meeting them? I WAS ONE OF THOSE BATSHIT FANS. And to this day, I am 100% positive that if we had sent that video in, I would have not only met the Backstreet Boys, but Nick and I would probably be married at this point.

And do you know what that means? I could have saved him from his leeching family, his arrests, his drug problems and, most importantly, Paris Hilton!

Still haven’t quite gotten your BSB fix? Then check out these honorable mentions: Get Down (You’re the One for Me), I Want It That Way and Larger than Life.

Now that you can finally sleep at night knowing you have watched five of the most amazing music videos in existence, I ask you one thing:

If you don’t know what that means– and you were a child of the 90s– don’t bother reading any more of this blog, because we will never fully understand each other.

Just kidding! Please keep reading. I beg you.

Summer 2011 makeup wishlist

July 12, 2011

With summer in full swing, it’s about time I purchase my it’s-too-hot-to-clothes-shop items before the season ends. While this is only about 1/3 of the products I hope to acquire before September, it is what I hope to get my hands on first.Summer 2011 Makeup Wishlist

Summer 2011 Makeup Wishlist by humalittlemrbones on Polyvore.com

As far as trends go, right now I’m really into bright lips, bold brows and neutral eyes and cheeks. That being said, I’m not afraid of some color on my eyes, and I think the new Urban Decay Anniversary palette (just released today!) would be a great addition to my Naked palette. And after seeing this color blocking look by Everyday Makeup Blog, I’ve become obsessed with obtaining an electric yellow shadow.

Gingerly was once Kim Kardashian’s favorite blush. Enough said.

And lastly, after years of no luck whatsoever, I am still hunting for that perfect concealer. Hopefully the stellar reviews on Makeup Alley don’t let me down.

Keep reading for purchasing details…

In a flash like that, recognize I’m back

July 11, 2011

And I’m sure you missed me!

…A little?

Fine, you didn’t even notice I was gone. That’s okay– I forgive you. The important thing is that after a year-long hiatus, I am back!

And not only am I back, but I am ready to bombard all five of you loyal readers will numerous posts. Think along the lines of Music Mondays, Fashion Fridays, something somethings… I’ve got it covered. Or will get it covered. Attempt to.

It didn’t take all 12+ months to realize how much I missed having this little blog. Sure, I had the all-mighty Facebook and the no-pressure Tumblr, along with the recently confusing Google+, to occupy my precious internet time. But, to be cliche, it just wasn’t the same. But while I contemplated updating Hum a Little, Mr. Bones various times over the past year, I could never could bring myself to do it. I figured why post if I didn’t have something to really say. If I couldn’t think of paragraph after paragraph of material or muster up the energy to find fitting photos or a corresponding song, then what was the point?

It only recently hit me that I didn’t need all of those little details. At least not all of the time, anyway. I may be a blabber and a (striving) perfectionist, but I have learned the lesson only an abandoned blog can teach– any post beats zero posts.

My blog and myself: fresh-faced for the future

So while long-winded features will continue to be a Hum a Little, Mr. Bones staple, this blog will also be home to shorter posts, such as reviews, hauls, quick gripes and sometimes brief records of my daily activities. After all, this is a lifestyle blog. And let’s face it– my life just isn’t always interesting enough to fill a lengthy post.

So if my makeup-less face doesn’t scare you away, I hope you rejoin me in take two of this blogging adventure.

Here’s to the little lies I tell in my sleep

April 29, 2010
tags: ,

Growing up, most of us got the whole “honesty is the best policy” spiel while being forced to watch Pinocchio by our parents, who hoped the values of a Disney movie would stay with us years later. I get it, Dad, you wanted to trust that I wouldn’t lie about sneaking out of the house at midnight when I turned 16. I’m sure that same kind of trust was and still is important to you, too, Mom. It’s also safe to say my friends and coworkers somewhat value the six-year-old in me who still fears my nose will get bigger if a lie comes out of my mouth.

But does that mean they want me to be honest with them– truly, brutally honesty with them– all the time?

I don’t think so. In fact, I’m willing to bet the rest of my Diet Coke on it. Yup, all three ounces. Just call me high stakes McGee.

Disclaimer: I don’t advocate lying. Really, I don’t. Okay, I kind of do. Just a little. Once in a while.

You see, I don’t think that lying and trust have to be mutually exclusive. Sure, if you have a track record of making up stories then no one is going to believe your father is actually President Obama’s half-brother or that your dog went to the moon in the last shuttle mission. But, I’ll be real here, if those are the types of lies you’re telling, maybe you’re on the wrong type of blog. Why not head over to this one, and we’ll catch up next post, k?

For those still with us, I have provided a short list of situations and explanations on why I feel it’s best to lie (or not lie) when in them.

SCENARIO 1: Your friend comes out of the dressing room at Macy’s wearing a too short, too tight skirt and asks if it’d be perfect to wear to Trousdale later. Do you tell her she looks hot or a hot mess?
MY TAKE:
BE HONEST. Don’t feel the need to tell her that she’s sausaged in. Just cock your head to the side and say, “It’s not showing off the best parts of your body, lets keep looking.”

SCENARIO 2: Your group is rushing to finish getting ready in Vegas before the line for XS gets too insane. Your friend steps out of the bathroom in a halter dress that shows off her man shoulders and lack of bosom. You’re well aware she has no back up outfits. What do  you do?
MY TAKE:
LIE. If she has no other options, you pointing out her ill choice in club wear is not going to make getting in XS any easier. It will only make her self-conscious and possibly ruin her night. Tell her she looks great, and then make sure to send your hottest-dressed girls to the doormen and flirt your way in.

SCENARIO 3: Your ex-boyfriend e-mails you asking to get dinner with him sometime this week. You either ignore or decline the message. Do you tell your current partner about the invite?
MY TAKE: LIE. By lie, I mean don’t say anything. Your boyfriend doesn’t need to know every time an ex talks to you or tries to worm their way back into your life. However, if you choose to go out to dinner, a heads up to the boyfriend beforehand would be nice. I’m not saying you need permission, but if the tables were turned I’m sure you’d like to be informed if your significant other was spending time with someone from their past.

SCENARIO 4: You’re at a party and your boyfriend’s friend hits on you. Do you inform the boyfriend of his so-called friend’s advances?
MY TAKE: BE HONEST. Unless the friend was so drunk he didn’t realize it was you he was hitting on, you should inform the boyfriend. How would you feel if your bff was macking on your man and he didn’t feel the need to tell you? Just like you, he has a right to know who his true friends are. Plus, if you don’t end up telling him and his guilt-ridden friend does, be prepared for an argument later.

SCENARIO 5: In the same vein as scenario 4, your friend’s boyfriend hits on you. Should you tell her he’s a creep and risk breaking her heart?
MY TAKE: BE HONEST. Be fucking honest. Your loyalty is to your friend, and no matter how much you’re worried about her feelings, if you really care, you’ll want what’s best for her. This is also true if you witness him hitting on someone else, whether it’s another one of her friends or a complete stranger. Tell her. Don’t think “it’s none of my business.” She is your friend and this is her happiness/time/dignity at stake and thus it is your damn business.

SCENARIO 6: Your friend asks you to look over their thesis/screenplay/poem/etc. It needs work. And by work, I don’t mean spell check. What do say when it’s time to spit out your opinion?
MY TAKE: BE HONEST. And tactful, please, as us writers have terribly fragile egos. If we put hours into something and get the nerve to show it to you, we don’t want an “oh, it’s good” or a “you know, I really like this,” especially if you, you know, really don’t like it. By all means, say what you think worked–we love to hear it!– but be specific and don’t skimp on the critiques. If we solely wanted a pat on the back, we would have shown our mothers instead.

SCENARIO 7: You run into an acquaintance you haven’t seen since college, or better yet, high school. They ask what you’ve been up to lately. The truth is the equivalent to eating Bon Bons and watching the the entire Buffy the Vampire Slayer series.
MY TAKE: LIE. Sure, I would be impressed with your dedication to television, but chances are I’m not going to be the one asking you such a mundane question. So if you’re not happy with where you’re presently at, embellish. Just don’t go overboard. “I got engaged to the most wonderful man the same week I was promoted to vice president of Warner Music Group!” is going to be hard for you to keep up. But if you’re single, say you’re dating but aren’t tied down. If you’re one of the million people in LA trying to land their first acting gig while working at  P.F. Changs, say you’re spending time reading scripts while making cash on the side. My friend is an unemployed painter living off of the remainder of his student loans. When asked what he does, he puts a satisfied smile on his face and says lately he’s been working on some great projects using oils. People usually couldn’t care less what you actually do, they either want to make small talk or see if they’re doing better than you at the moment. And you don’t owe them the satisfaction.

SCENARIOS 8+: Congrats! You and your man have made it official! But with the title of boyfriend and girlfriend come a multitude of questions.

In these cases, HONESTY is the best policy:
*Do you have feelings for someone else? This can be tricky, as feelings can be fleeting. However, in my experience, it’s usually best to be honest with your partner. I’m not saying you need to blab about every other guy who gives you butterflies, but if you begin to get emotionally attached to someone else, come clean.
*Did you cheat on me last weekend while I was away? Well, did you? If so, it’s time to take that small amount of dignity you have left and be completely honest. It’s his choice as to whether or not he wants to stay with you, and it’s not fair to keep it from him. You’re not “protecting” anyone by denying what you did. In the words of Brooke Davis, don’t be a slutty lying liar who lies.
*Do you have an STD? If you’re intimate with someone and you lie about this, you’re a careless asshole.

But feel free to LIE in these instances:
*How many people have you slept with? My basic rule is your number of sexual partners +/-5 is acceptable. And refusing to answer is always an option.
*Is that your real hair color? Of course, it is! There are lots of red-headed, olive-skinned Persians. Duh.
*Are you the jealous type? Me? Jealous? Never! (Be careful with this one if you are, as the green monster will come out eventually. Trust me.)
*Do you really spend multiple hours a day on Facebook stalking people you don’t know? Haha, no, silly. My brief time online is spent watching documentaries and reading political blogs.
*Were other guys better in bed? I don’t care what you say, just don’t answer yes.

Little white lies have the ability to make life easier, so why not tell a few? Assure your boss you felt motivated by her speech at the meeting. Tell your mom the batch of cookies she sent were the best you’ve had in a years. Need to save face at a party? Fib a bit. As long as you’re not hurting or maliciously deceiving someone, a lie can come in handy. But be careful– the more lies you tell, the more you have to be mindful of what you say and be prepared for the truth to come out.

Let’s ignore the horrendous last three years of Grey’s Anatomy and take a little wisdom from season 2 Meredith, who says it best:

No matter how hard we try to ignore it or try to deny it, eventually the lies fall away, whether we like it or not. But here’s the truth about the truth— it hurts. So, we lie.

The Arctic Monkeys, “Dance Little Liars”
Bright Eyes, “Haligh, Haligh, A Lie, Haligh”
Charles and Eddie, “Would I Lie to You?”
The Liars, “The Other Side of Mt. Heart Attack”

Make sure to never do it with a singer ’cause he’ll tell everyone in the world

March 31, 2010

Chances are if you’re female, above the age of 14 and a lover of music, you have somewhat of a thing for musicians. Maybe it’s the quickness of their fingers on a guitar or the seemingly heartfelt lyrics leaving their mouths. Maybe it’s the very idea that the other 200 girls in the audience are gazing up at them with the same lustful expression you have plastered on your face. Maybe it’s a combination of all of those things. I honestly couldn’t tell you.

All I know is that I am one of the many, many girls who have a habit of developing monumental crushes on guys who just happen to be in bands.

And you know what, there’s no fault in that. Unless we’re flashing a bouncer in hopes he’ll let us go backstage, we shouldn’t have to be ashamed of ourselves. I’m just here to tell what you probably already know: that it’s best to steer clear from the boys on stage.

Fueled mostly by the pop-punk scene of the mid-to-late 90s, the beginning stages of my attraction to those holding a mic led me to have flings with three guys from the same fairly awful high school band (both the words “under” and “skunk” were used in the title). In my defense, they weren’t at the same time and happened to be some of the best male friends I had freshman and sophomore year. Which was also what was strange about it– I didn’t feel anything for these guys while hanging out after school or sitting with them at lunch. It may have crossed my mind that they were cute, but I didn’t find them sexy and certainly didn’t want to date any of them. But I did. And as each fling ended, I remembered why for so long I thought of the guy solely as a friend. He wasn’t some rock-god. He was the guy I watched Blazing Saddles with before doing homework.

If you think dating multiple members of the same band makes for some awkward practice drop-ins, let me tell you it’s nothing compared to being one of hundreds of other girls at shows waiting to see them. As they swoon and snap photos, it’s hard not to shout, “He is my boyfriend. MINE. We’re dating. Just wanted you to know. Thanks.” I’m not saying every female in the audience is hoping to bag a member after the show. When single I never went to a show just for the guy-factor or hoped I was going to hook up with someone after. But usually after a set I found myself thinking “oh, that one was kind of cute,” so I know it’s hard to resist the seemingly instinctual attraction to what’s on stage.  And any flattery of having all those girls gawk at your boyfriend ends faster than a Blink 182 song.

But don’t worry if those shouts happen to come out during a moment of weakness, because you won’t seem like the unjustified crazy for long. Sadly, even the good guys let the groupies of their unsigned, half-assed after school band go to their head. Most, lets say 95%, of them will end up giving you an actual reason to be jealous.

You might think you landed the sensitive rocker. I ran into my fair share of these guys in college, whether they were at a house party with their guitar or moping around the dorms. They’re the guys who were in shitty screamo bands in high school that learned to play the game once they graduated. They walked around in tight jeans and fitted cardigans, which they still don in their current stop in Hipsterville. In college they used to look like Johnny Lang and sing what sounded to be Lifehouse covers. Now they look a little more like Andrew VanWyngarden and play songs written by Ryan Adams.

Ladies, beware. There’s a reason so many singers try acting. They’re so used to rehearsed lines coming out of their mouth that the ones they pitch to you are almost always recycled. Also, please keep in mind that those somewhat profound, lovey-dovey lyrics that keep running through your head aren’t about you. They’re about some ex-girlfriend who dumped him for a football player in high school. Or maybe they’re about his dog. Actually, guys like him don’t even have a dog because they’re too self obsessed to care about anyone but themselves and their own success. They certainly won’t care enough about your relationship to stay loyal. You’ll start to see incriminating photos on the internet, text messages from girls in other towns and rumors of sexual harassment (I wish I were joking about the last one). Don’t let their sugary sincere excuses fool you. “The show didn’t end until 11 last night and then the bus broke down and then we had to walk 10 miles to find someone to fix it and then our roadie’s bunny died and then we had to bury it. So, really, sweetie, yesterday was a hard day for me, so lay off, could ya?” or “The girl on my lap was the drummer’s sister. God, Erika, would I really date someone who is the sibling of someone I consider my brother? That’s practically incest! Those photos of us kissing on her MySpace? You know I kiss my mother the same way!”

Get out. Get out now.

Except lets say you don’t want to actually date the guy. Say you’re fine being the drummer’s sister that’s sitting on his lap posting kissy photos all over MySpace. You know, the one he bangs that night and doesn’t talk to until the next time he passes into town. Whether you’re drunk, desperate or plain promiscuous (hey, we’re all adults, I can dig it), I’m telling you it’s not in your best interest to invite this guy over or spend an extra hour or two in his bunk on the bus. Not because it’s slutty or even because you might catch something, but because it’s almost never as good as you think it’ll be. Much like hearing Third Eye Blind live for the first time, the performance under the sheets will be a let down.

Nine times out of 10, band guys aren’t good in bed. Why do you ask? Because they never had to be. The passion you see on stage does not translate to the sack. It’ll be one-sided, messy and over quickly. It”ll be like “Dammit” or “All the Small Things,” without the rhythm and simplistic fun. Sure, you’ll see the same sweaty forehead and John Mayer-like facial expressions that were onstage earlier that night, but this time you won’t be asking for an encore. Next time go down the street from the venue and pick up the guy walking to his car. Yeah, that one. Take him home instead.

Unless– and I say this with much hesitation– he happens to be different. He falls into that 5% of adorably humble good-natured guys who just happen to love playing music. Out of all of the musicians I’ve dated only one has fallen into this category. One.

My serious college boyfriend, who we’ll call Exciting Taco (don’t ask), was easily one of the best guys I’ve ever dated. He was witty, smart, slightly kooky and unwaveringly loyal. Don’t get me wrong, Exciting Taco wasn’t without faults, but none of them stemmed from the fact he played music. As far as band boyfriends go, he was easily the most wonderful and certainly the most talented. He’ll probably get famous one day in a Bob Dylan meets Beck type of way, and I’ll be all bitter and you’ll get an entry full of hate, but as for now I have nothing but great things to say.

But let me reiterate: this is NOT the norm. It didn’t happen to me before Exciting Taco and it hasn’t happened to me after. Last year I had a short fling with a guy out here in Los Angeles who was part of a band that actually seemed to be on the road to making it before they abruptly broke up. He was sexy, quiet, had great hair and graduated from a high ranked East Coast university. Perfect! Or so I thought. But going to his shows and looking at the girls trying to get his attention made me feel like I was in high school all over again. What am I doing? I thought. I’ve been here before, and it’s not worth it. We hung out a couple of times, and it was fun, but I knew it nothing would ever come from it.

What I want you to take away from this is not, in fact, that I am some scorned groupie, but that I feel your pain. I know how easy it is to fall for the sexy guy with the microphone or even the seemingly dorky guy on keyboard. Like many of you, I’ve been there. I just want you to learn from your mistakes–from those wasted daydreams of a Followill brother, the letdown in Conor Oberst’s bus or the pursuit of something more than a one-sided relationship with an egomaniac drummer.

And for those girls who haven’t yet made those mistakes, even better, you get to learn from mine.

Coyote Shivers, “Sugarhigh”
Presidents of the United States of America, “Lump”

But what’s puzzlin’ you is the nature of my game

March 27, 2010
tags:

I’m not usually a fan of introduction posts, but I feel the need to say something, anything, before jumping into regular updates.

I can’t tell you what to expect from this blog, because I have no idea where it’s going to end up in a year, or month or even next week. To tell you the truth, I am clueless as to what will be included in the first real entry. Do I talk about my current lack of funds or male companion, or should I save those heartwarming tales for later? I assume that waiting to dump my woes on you is the right choice here.

Do I talk about the two unwavering loves of my life– television and my maltese-shih tzu? Should I really go into the story of how I named her after not one, but two television characters from two completely opposite shows? I choose to save the details of my Mickey Rourke-like obsession with dogs and Andy Warhol opinion on television for another time.

I’ve got it! I’ll do what the fashion bloggers do! How about I post photos from the last time my boyfriend and I gallivanted around Los Angeles, my 5’10” self in a short dress and six inch heels, eating macarons as he snapped picture after picture while sporting a deep v?

Good thing I already warned you I’m leading the single life or else you’d have gotten your hopes up.

Also, I don’t care how many people say differently, macarons are gross. If I want a cookie, I’ll eat an honest to god damn cookie. And I would never date a guy who wears a deep v. Or have on a minidress and six inch heels in the afternoon as I drop off the movie I Netflixed earlier that week. Not to mention I’m barely 5’5″ which I guess is similar to 5’10” if you cut off the other girls at their knees.

Basically, I have no game plan. You know this and I know this. So I guess all I want to say is thank you for checking out my blog, and I hope you stick around and see what’s to come!

Rolling Stones, “Sympathy for the Devil”
The White Stripes, “I Just Don’t Know What to Do with Myself (live)”